THE DAILY SUMMIT SPECIAL
As night draws in, we look at the momentous events of the first day of the historical Singapore Summit.
Today was surprisingly breezy, with just a hint of orange in the air. Women, wearing their husband’s padded cycling shorts for pussy-protection, wandered around the back roads of Tanglin Mall, frantically trying to find an unblocked way into their expat lair.
Rumours abound as to the respective Great Leaders’ movements over the past 24 hours. One source places Trump at the Queensway McDonald’s Drive-Thru at 2am, while another assures us she was slamming Tigers with “this fat dude with bad hair” at Newton Hawker Centre all night.
We can’t comment on the many many wealthy Chinese businessmen spotted going into the Shangri-la over the course of the day, but we’re pretty damn sure that one of the them was the same guy who tried to get us to invest in his timeshare in Phuket a while back.
But still the questions abound. Where is Melania? Why does Puerto Rico still have no power? Can we *really* look like the Supreme Leader for just $8 at K-Cuts?
Tune in tomorrow, for another edition of: THE SUMMIT SPECIAL.