The Egg-Related Thought Process Every Expat in Singapore goes through in the run up to Easter. Every. Single. Year.

It’s Good Friday! Time to pour yourself a…. Oh wait. Maybe not, all things considered. And even if you’re not religiously inclined, best to keep a clear head, as you’re going to need all your wits about you if you plan on securing some Easter Eggs tomorrow….

Here’s our Friday List (of sorts):

THE EGG-RELATED THOUGHT PROCESS EVERY EXPAT IN SINGAPORE GOES THROUGH IN THE RUN UP TO EASTER. EVERY. SINGLE. YEAR.

Step 1 (A month before Easter): Oooh! Easter eggs! I must buy some. When is Easter again? Oh, ages away. I’ll buy some next week.

Step 2 (Three weeks before Easter): Ooh! There are those eggs again. Where are the Smarties ones? Huh. All gone. Still – loads of others. And loads of time. I’ll get them next week.

Step 3 (Two weeks before Easter): Golly – where have all the Easter eggs gone? Oh, PHEW, *there* they are. Wait – those are all pretty expensive. $25 for a chocolate shell? I don’t like my children *that* much, thank you very much. Still, loads of time to find the cheaper ones.

Step 4 (Easter Monday): FORTY FIVE DOLLARS FOR ONE MEASLEY EGG???? I’ll take my custom elsewhere, thank you very much.

Step 5 (Good Friday): “Good morning lovely RSEW Ladies! Has anyone seen ANY Easter Eggs anywhere on the island? Any at all. Will pay ANY PRICE.”

Happy Easter Weekend, y’all! And remember – a hard boiled egg served with a Kit Kat and a smile is all anyone needs this Sunday…

Advertisements

You Know You Are Such An Expat When…

There are a few things which just SCREAM “expat in Singapore.”  Among them: Living in a house jam-packed with local artifacts (If there is a giant Buddha in your powder room, you are Such An Expat); depending on frequent packages from your home country for sustenance (If you regularly order large boxes of American toothpaste, or British biscuits, you are Such An Expat); starting every single conversation with, “So where are you off to for the next holiday (because only expats travel every damn holiday.  So if Bali versus Phuket is your go-to conversation starter, you are Such An Expat).

Look, there’s no shame in being Such An Expat, but sometimes we even sort of shock ourselves with just how S.A.E. we can be (and yes, we realize that writing a blog and facebook page about expat life is pretty much as S.A.E. as you can get).

What are other telltale signs that someone is S.A.E?  We know there are some good ones out there…

IMG_2382

IMG_2383

IMG_2384

IMG_2385

Milestones For The Singapore Expat

Today’s Friday List: Singapore Expat Milestones

Moving to a new country always comes with challenges, but there are also those moments – rare at first – where you stop and think, Holy S*** Look At Me! These are the moments that make you feel a little more at ease, a little less like a hot mess, and a little more able to laugh at yourself when you are a total disaster (like, for example, when you’re once again mocked for the size of your feet, or your quick shopping trip drives you to tears, or you nearly die of fear during a 12 minute jog. (If you missed any of those moments, pour yourself some wine, hop over to www.Textpatwives.com, and scroll on through. If you’re looking for low points, there are some real gems in there.) There are lots of moments like that, of course. But once in a while, you hit an expat milestone. Tonight, we say “Cheers” to those moments. Here are a few…

1. The first time you remember your IC number by heart. That’s probably on day 3, which will have been the 875th time you’ve been asked for it.

2. The first time you merge into Newton Circus without crying / flinching / swearing you’ll never go this way again.

3. The first time a server or store clerk recognizes you as a Regular. (Note – this one might take several years.)

4. The first time a tourist asks YOU for directions. That means that, at least on the outside, you actually don’t look lost anymore.

5. The first time you use the squat toilet because you just cannot be bothered to wait behind all the tourists waiting for the other one.

6. The first time you have an actual opinion when the Taxi Uncle asks you “AYE or PIE?”

7. Hell – the first time you know what the Taxi Uncle is actually talking about when he asks you “AYE or PIE?”

8. The first time you Backwards Park in one try.

9. The first time you use your PAssion Card. “Passion Card?” “Why yes, I now know what you are asking me every single time I make a purchase of any kind, and indeed I do have a PAssion Card!”

10. The first time you leave the grocery store without calculating the cost in your Home Currency.

10. And the biggie (so important in fact that we tacked on an extra number 10): The first time you refer to Singapore as “Home”. (We can almost guarantee that that will be when you’re knee-deep in laundry and whining kids on day 8 of your summer “holiday” back in your home country; suddenly the balmy evenings, calm house and competent helper will spell H-O-M-E to you.)

Things Which Drive Expats In Singapore Crazy (Part III)

Thanks to all your suggestions, this list just grows daily (seriously- it turns out there is A LOT of s*** that drives you (us) crazy). So here it is, the third instalment of…

Things Which Drive Expats in Singapore Crazy

1. Forgetting to bring a sweater to the cinema. (Until you’ve spent two hours stoically staring up at a screen with your hands jammed into your armpits, shivering and leaking little tears of ice, you have no idea how traumatic this can be.)
2. Wearing that cute dress you got at that expensive boutique in Tanglin Mall / Cluny Court / Great World City to a party, and seeing two other women wearing the exact same dress. AND they look better than you.
3. How everyone gets SO ANNOYED at you sometimes for the smallest mistakes. Like going the wrong way round Newton Circus. Ya know, little things.
4. The love affair with plastic bags. “No, I really don’t need a separate bag for my grapes, because look! They’re already in their own plastic bag! In fact each grape might even have its own little bag! Really, I don’t. . . Honestly, you can put the bananas in on top of the soap. They don’t need another bag. . . . Oh, you can just pop the eggs right on top here . . . NO DON’T THROW OUT ALL THE CRUMPLED PLASTIC BAGS!! Argh.”
5. Avocados that look amazing and ripe and perfect on the outside, but inside they’re a wormy, mealy, horrific handful of mush. Why, you two-faced A-hole? Why?!
6. Stop-start taxi uncles. Bluuugh.
7. Male radio hosts who “tease” their female co-hosts. Really dude? She just needs a husband? She’s such a “bimbo?” Seriously?
8. Upselling beauticians. (“You sure you don’t want laser treatment? Your face so hairy, wah! You need package for that!”)
9. Ordering poached eggs and forgetting to ask for them “well done.”
10. Being the unintended best joke ever in the shoe department. (“AHAHAHAHAHAHA! You need men’s shoes! Nothing here for you! Your feet so big! Hahahahahahaha.”)

Share if you’ve been the one walking around a party avoiding the Who Wore It Best Moment, or cursing at an avocado that’s betrayed you, or driving the wrong way around a roundabout (damn, is that one really just us?).