We’ve never done this before, but we thought we’d specially curate a list for all our Singapore expat sisters out there: Things That Should Be On Every Singapore Expat’s Christmas list, 2017. So just in case that Special Someone in your life has left his shopping to the very last minute, and is texting you from the airport in Dubai and asking if there’s anything you’d really fancy (and subtly suggesting that if it’s something that they happen to have at Duty Free that’d be terrific), just point him in this direction.
1. A Bra Liner! Finally someone has an answer (other than wadding up paper towels) to the boob sweat. (And no, the model in the pic is not one of us, though we admit the resemblance is truly striking.)
2. Any Korean beauty product. Because everyone needs more K-Beauty in their life, and nothing says “Deck the Halls” like rubbing snail slime all over your face.
3. This awesome fake rock to place in your garden and hide your house key in. Actually, scratch that, it’s Singapore. We can just leave the key in the door. Again.
4. A big ass popcorn bucket, and a GIANT wine glass. For those nights when you open up the Wives page and see a helper question.
5. This under armpit cooling device. Is it a fashionable accessory? Perhaps not. But neither are the pit stains. So get one like this guy, and set it on HIGH.
6. Travel wine bottle protectors. We’re not kidding about this, people. If you’re going back and forth on holidays and wrapping your wine bottles in dirty t-shirts in your suitcase, you’re just asking for trouble. Class it up with some of these.
7. An umbrella – which is also a sun umbrella, which is wind-proof, opens and closes with one hand, and is small enough to keep in your handbag but large enough when open it to actually keep you – and a at least one child – somewhat dry. And it has to be pretty, with koi fish or a Monet print or something. And it can’t have that ridiculous wooden hook handle because you’re not clippity-clopping your way around Victorian London like Sherlock Holmes FFS. Let us know if you find one that fits the bill.
8. A device that FINDS YOUR CAR! Because though we may need the exercise, ain’t nobody got time to be wandering the bowels of Vivo looking for their car.
9. Another magical and amazing invention that feels like it was sent to us straight from The Heavens… A shoe deodorizer machine. Because your kids’ feet reek. (And by “your” we mean “our”), and those cute sneaker balls aren’t making a dent in that stank. What we all need is a magical machine that dries out your shoes and then disinfects them. Technology FTW.
10. A Christmas stocking wine flask. Because we all know Mommy really only wants two things on Christmas morning: a bag of booze and a nap.
Merry Christmas from Textpat Land. And if Santa actually brings you any of these wonders, we want pics! XO TPW