What Should Be On Every Singapore Expat’s Christmas List

We’ve never done this before, but we thought we’d specially curate a list for all our Singapore expat sisters out there:  Things That Should Be On Every Singapore Expat’s Christmas list, 2017.  So just in case that Special Someone in your life has left his shopping to the very last minute, and is texting you from the airport in Dubai and asking if there’s anything  you’d really fancy (and subtly suggesting that if it’s something that they happen to have at Duty Free that’d be terrific), just point him in this direction.

1. A Bra Liner!  Finally someone has an answer (other than wadding up paper towels) to the boob sweat.  (And no, the model in the pic is not one of us, though we admit the resemblance is truly striking.)

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2. Any Korean beauty product.  Because everyone needs more K-Beauty in their life, and nothing says “Deck the Halls” like rubbing snail slime all over your face.

3. This awesome fake rock to place in your garden and hide your house key in. Actually, scratch that, it’s Singapore.  We can just leave the key in the door.  Again.

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4.  A big ass popcorn bucket, and a GIANT wine glass. For those nights when you open up the Wives page and see a helper question.

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5.  This under armpit cooling device.  Is it a fashionable accessory?  Perhaps not.  But neither are the pit stains.  So get one like this guy, and set it on HIGH.

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6.  Travel wine bottle protectors.  We’re not kidding about this, people.  If you’re going back and forth on holidays and wrapping your wine bottles in dirty t-shirts in your suitcase, you’re just asking for trouble.  Class it up with some of these.

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7.  An umbrella – which is also a sun umbrella, which is wind-proof, opens and closes with one hand, and is small enough to keep in your handbag but large enough when open it to actually keep you – and a at least one child – somewhat dry.  And it has to be pretty, with koi fish or a Monet print or something.  And it can’t have that ridiculous wooden hook handle because you’re not clippity-clopping your way around Victorian London like Sherlock Holmes FFS.  Let us know if you find one that fits the bill.

8.  A device that FINDS YOUR CAR!  Because though we may need the exercise, ain’t nobody got time to be wandering the bowels of Vivo looking for their car.

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9.  Another magical and amazing invention that feels like it was sent to us straight from The Heavens… A shoe deodorizer machine. Because your kids’ feet reek. (And by “your” we mean “our”), and those cute sneaker balls aren’t making a dent in that stank.  What we all need is a magical machine that dries out your shoes and then disinfects them.  Technology FTW.

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10.  A Christmas stocking wine flask. Because we all know Mommy really only wants two things on Christmas morning: a bag of booze and a nap.

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Merry Christmas from Textpat Land.  And if Santa actually brings you any of these wonders, we want pics! XO TPW

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Hygge in Singapore

 

If you’re on Instagram, or Pinterest, or indeed if you just don’t live under a rock, you’ve undoubtedly heard a lot of talk lately about Hygge. We have two thoughts on that: First, it’s pronounced hoo-gah (we think). And second, the google images for hygge were not taken in Singapore. There are no palm trees, no traffic, no flip flops. Mostly it’s roaring fires and really thick blankets. But that doesn’t mean we Singapore expats can’t hygge the shit out of this weekend if we really put our minds to it. And with that, our Friday List…

10 Ways To Hygge in Singapore

1. Make a Winter Bonfire. No one is using those burning bins left over from Hungry Ghost, so just grab one of those. Fill it with old copies of Expat Living, add a few handfuls of used parking coupons on top, and light ‘er up.

2. Enjoy all the seasonal produce. And by that we mean, It’s Durian Season. Yum.

3. Begin a Fun New Winter Craft. You know, something to fill those long hours indoors. Knit yourself a cute beer koozie. Or build a wind chime out of Tiger beer cans to herald the arrival of Spring. The options are really just endless.

4. Have an Indoor Picnic. It’s just like an outdoor picnic except you have the AC on, and there are no monkeys stealing your shit when you’re not looking.

5. Layer layer layer. Everyone says this is the trick to winter in Scandanavia, so why not here? Start with a base layer (a thick coat of antiperspirant). Make sure you have at least one layer of clothing to absorb all that winter sweat. In a pinch, a wad of tissue stuffed in your cleavage will do the trick. Then watch in disgust throughout the day as your one layer becomes soaked by sweat from within, or rain from without. Yay- fun with fashion!

6. Make a White Russian. This one is not a joke. Equal parts Kahlua, cream, and vodka, poured over ice. Delicious.

7. Cozy up and write letters. In the digital age, an actual letter is a lovely way to connect to loved ones in an authentic, thoughtful way. Your friends back home, snowed into their houses and living on canned goods, will LOVE getting a letter from you all about your fall break surfing in Bali and your Christmas plans in Phuket. Really. Folks at home love that stuff. (That’s assuming the letter ever arrives, that is.)

8. Socks. There can be no Hygge if you’re not wearing socks. Preferably thick, hand-knitted, woollen ones. Obviously you’ll need to take yourself to either the cinema or the supermarket for this activity, unless you want to expire from heat exhaustion.

9. Bake! Soothing, soulful, and so deliciously productive! Unless you live in SIngapore, and then it’s just a total pain in the ass, and you’re better off going to Cedele in your air-conditioned car and “out-sourcing”. So you’ve cut out the soothing and the soulful, but what’s wrong with going straight to deliciously productive?

10. Snuggle. At the heart of it, Hygge is all about love and connection. Remember to show your loved ones – through the power of touch – just how much they mean to you. But not for too long, obviously – because with touch comes SWEAT.

How are you planning to hygge this weekend?